"this is sad. you should publish it..."

...(friend, 2023)

I wouldn't call it sad. More so, it's the ramblings of a tired teenager. So, here's this weird stuff I wrote at, like, 11 at night, instead of doing my homework:

Being invisible

Is a gift,

Is a talent,

Is a skill,

And

Is all I want.

I used to be invisible.

I hated it.

I did everything in my power so that

I could be seen.

I hated that even more.

Being invisible is something I had taken for granted.

Being invisible meant I could take time for myself.

Being invisible had let me think about me and figure me out.

Being invisible allowed me to breathe.

But,

Now that I’m seen,

Everything hurts a little more.

Now that I’m seen,

Everything feels a little worse.

I think it’s my fault.

I think I don’t think enough.

I think I think too much.

I think it’s because I’m too sensitive.

I think I care too much.

I think I don’t care enough.

I think it’s my fault.

If I got to be invisible again,

I would not speak to you.

I would not speak to her.

Do you think I could handle it?

I think I wouldn’t be able to.

Perhaps my emotions would get the best of me,

As they always do.

Perhaps I wouldn’t make it,

As I sometimes hope I don’t.

Is that why I crave

To be invisible?

Because I crave everything 

But

Life?

I feel

I need

To stop breathing

To ever get a chance

To take a breath

For the first time.

Being seen

Pollutes

All

That

I

Breathe.

Is it worth it

In the end?

Will I ever look back

And will I ever think,

“I miss her?”

Probably.

For now,

It’s cool.

I’m cool.

stay good.